i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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