I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
