If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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