So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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