Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
No I am not eating basil off your cock
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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