my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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