Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
