worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
