No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Non-Jews are for practice
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
