Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
