I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
