How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
