are you still at the devil's house?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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