4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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