remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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