You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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