He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
this hospital has no fireball
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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