There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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