No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Randomize
