he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize