finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Randomize
