She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
