I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
