just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
