i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
