bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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