We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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