When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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