omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
