Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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