why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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