Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
