just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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