You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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