So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
