at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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