They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
