You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
