someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
