Heybabeimwearingurpanties
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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