My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Randomize
