He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The air was thick with penises
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
