what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Couch. On fire.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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