Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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