I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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