i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
