i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
