I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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