this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
