clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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