i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize