rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
