Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
sex in a hospital.. check
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
