She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
