woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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