I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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