The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
This is my gift to your gina
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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