I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
