i'm signing you up for texting rehab
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
