I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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