i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
