i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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