Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
