you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I got inside last night via doggy door
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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