If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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