ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
