my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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