wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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