So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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