Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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