I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
