I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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