omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
