After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
