You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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