I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
