one might say we're banned from that church
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
