i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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