hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
