You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
The adults are the big ones right?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
