he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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