Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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